As a kid, I was really, really into comic books. In fact, I loved them so much that I wanted to work for Marvel Comics someday. In the end, I became a librarian (which was obviously a better choice), but I still enjoy reading about old comic series, especially the ones that tend to be a little more obscure. The following series popped up on my radar a few years ago, and while I’ve only read the first book (so far), I thought that it would be a really amusing series to share with all of you. If you’re interested in comic book history and don’t mind reading about character concepts that range from weird to stupid to downright offensive, then I’m sure that you’ll find plenty of fun to enjoy!
The League of Regrettable Superheroes: Half-Baked Heroes from Comic Book History!
All of your favorite heroes can be found in this book! Batman? Superman? No, forget about those! I’m talking about the truly great characters of comics, such as Amazing-Man, Bozo the Iron Man, Music Master, and Zippo! There’s The Bouncer, whose power is…you guessed it…bouncing (did I mention that he’s also an ancient statue that was brought to life and now fights crime with the assistance of his own decedent–which doesn’t make sense, since he was never a real person to begin with…). Or, perhaps you might want Doctor Hormone (that’s his real name, by the way) who fights crime using the power of hormones to not only give himself youth and energy, but to perform all kinds of questionable feats, such as turning babies into grown adults in a matter of minutes or turning people into half-animal hybrids. I’m not going to lie…there’s probably a reason why we don’t remember The Vagabond Prince, Stardust the Super-Wizard, or Brother Power the Geek. But, if you’re interested in old comic history, you’ll find a lot to enjoy here.
The Legion of Regrettable Supervillains: Oddball Criminals from Comic Book History!
What would a hero be without a good villain? As a comic-reading kid, I always loved that villains allowed for so much more variety in their characters. After all, you could always “kill” them off (sometimes literally), so if a particular character didn’t really take off, you didn’t have to worry about it. A hero has to be able to last for many issues of a comic series. Villains can come and go as you please. But, for every Venom, Joker, or Doctor Doom, you’re going to find some cracked and crazy criminals, such as The Balloon Maker, enemy of Frankenstein (I wish I was making that up); Dr. Dracula (he fights Captain Battle); or the Snowman’s nemesis, Fang. But, not all of these villains match up with second-rate heroes, such as Buzz Crandall, Airmail and Stampy, or Uncle Sam. Captain Marvel fought Spider Man (not to be confused with Spider-Man); Captain America fought Batroc the Leaper (he’s French); and Wonder Woman Faced off against the extremely racist Egg Fu. But, it doesn’t end there. How about Praying Mantis Man, Sinistro, Boy Fiend, The Generic Man, or Tapeworm? I know a lot of the coolest gimmicks were taken, but if those monikers aren’t regrettable, I don’t know what are!
The League of Regrettable Sidekicks: Heroic Helpers from Comic Book History!
Every hero could use a good sidekick to help them! But, what about a bad sidekick? As the saying goes, sometimes bad help is better than no help at all, but I’ll let the reader decide if these characters are best brought back into the limelight or if these comics should be left to molder in the back of a closet or the corner of someone’s basement. For example, there’s Blargo the Lawless (ooph!) assistant to Futura, (formally an Earthling secretary who was kidnapped by the alien Brain-Lords); or Dandy Doodle, assistant to the Yankee Doodle Jones (double ooph!); and the pint-sized pair of Midge and her hero Doll Man. I’ll be honest, reading reading some of these descriptions definitely left me cringing. I mean, I think there’s definitely a reason why no one remembers Papa, the unbelievably stupid father to Junior Genius; or Thor’s famous sidekick Volstagg the Voluminous (big, cowardly, and full of bluster). As a fan of old horror movies, I feel like I should have at least heard of Frankenstein’s butler, William, but unfortunately, I have not. Nor had I heard of D-Man, whose costume is so close to Wolverine’s that I thought at first that they were the same person (they are not). I’ll wrap this list up with a few more names, just to keep you curious: Elf with a Gun (I think the name says it all) Goody Rickels (Don Rickles’ nicer twin, I think?), and Klonsbon the Foozle (I’m not even going to venture a guess).
I hope you enjoy this trip into the weirder corners of comic book history! Happy reading!
